I would like to do introduce you to Ray W. Lincoln.
Ray Lincoln is founder of Ray W. Lincoln & Associates and Ray Lincoln Ministries. His services include Christian life coaching; professional coaching; seminars on parenting, marriage, personal development, and more.
He is the author of I’M A KEEPER, a book that is being used in seven countries and is receiving rave reviews from parents, teachers and psychologists. It teaches parents the most important skill they must have for successful parenting: how to understand your child.
Ray is originally from New Zealand. He has worked professionally in New Zealand and Australia, and he has been in the USA since 1971 because he met Mary Jo in Texas and decided to stay.
He has over 40 years of experience in coaching and counseling as a pastor. His earned degrees include a PhD in the Philosophy of Religion, a Master of Divinity, and more. He has a master’s level of training in Psychology, which has been a passion of his for many years, as he applied a biblical interpretation (rather than a secular one) to Temperament Psychology and found that this approach is, as expected, much more effective.
He lives in Littleton, Colorado with Mary Jo, where they enjoy hiking, fly fishing, snowshoeing, and all the beauty of the Rocky Mountains. Ray also enjoys oil painting and photography as hobbies in his “less active” moments.
Ray will be launching his newest book, I’M A KEEPER, on October 5. He is one of the authors in the John 3:16 Marketing Network. I hope you enjoy his interview,
What motivated you, Mr Lincoln, to write I’M A KEEPER?
First, thank you for your invitation. The motivation to understand how we are made first came from an intense desire to understand myself. Then one day a client who was a parent asked, “Would this be of benefit to me in understanding my child?” Her relationship with her child had developed into a losing battle of wills for both. A flashback of my own childhood feelings created an instant empathy in me, and before I knew it I said, “Yes. I’ll be holding a workshop on that soon, and I’ll let you know.” It was the first time I’d thought of a seminar/workshop for parents in understanding their children! So that’s how I got motivated to apply how we are made on the inside to parent-child relationships. From there the overwhelming interest of parents led to the book becoming a necessity.
I might add, writing the book was nothing but a pleasurable task.
How can parents benefit from I’M A KEEPER?
They can reduce the tension and stress of their parenting by understanding what urges and strengths drive the preferences and passions of their child. Knowledge of why their child behaves the way they do gives the parent a comfortable feeling and confidence that they will be successful in guiding their child, even in moments of heated meltdowns.
Parents benefit when the child benefits, and if the child feels understood by the parents a new relationship instantly begins. Bonding takes place and both the parent and the child feel like the stork dropped them in the right home, so to speak.
We all get lost when we don’t understand. It’s this understanding of who our child is and who we are that makes the relationship, together with the tasks of motivating, training, and teaching another human being, a manageable and pleasant process.
Parents will benefit from seeing almost instant changes in their children and the atmosphere of their home.
How does knowing more about temperaments help one to be a better parent?
A child is in the process of learning about their world and themselves. They need and usually accept all the help they can get. A parent who can help their child develop the strengths and drives that make them who they are will be, in the eyes of the child and in their own sense of satisfaction, a much better parent.
The four temperaments that have been with us for about 2,500 years have only stuck around because they are useful and accurate. They help a parent know the urges and motivations of everyone in their child’s world. It will give the parent accurate insights into all their children’s relationships.
Can I’M A KEEPER, help all parents regardless of their child’s age?
Amazingly, yes! An infant is often seen by nurses in a maternity ward as being an either very active child, a fretful child, a calm child or an alert child, each corresponding to an early glimpse of one of the four temperaments. Around age two most of the temperament’s characteristics can easily be observed. So from the earliest years parenting the child with an understanding of what the unseen urges of temperament are benefits both child and parent greatly. In teenagers it is a must, or the child will drift to those who do understand them and to where they do feel comfortable. Bonding is essential for effective guidance in the teenage years.
Does I’M A KEEPER address more challenging issues such as autism, physical or emotional disabilities, and attachment disorders in adopted children?
Let me make it clear that I’M A KEEPER is not a medical or specialist book on issues like autism. We need the specialized knowledge of these fields for sure. But that does not discount its applicability, since all children in all of these conditions have temperaments and need to be understood. Handling a child according to their temperament can provide some unexpected solutions and help for these conditions. It can ease much distress and pain for both child and parent.
It certainly smoothes the path for attachment disorders in adopted children, as you might well imagine, and can do the same in cases of physical and emotional disabilities. I would feel that understanding your child on the deep level of their preferences and drives is nothing but essential for these issues. At least I have found it an important help alongside specialized treatments.
In emotional disorders it is paramount, because a lot of emotional conditions involve relationships and even center around our relationships with ourselves and others. Understanding what drives us and how we handle and develop those drives cannot be anything but relative.
I wondered if your book would help single parents like me; and how about caregivers in general, such as grandparents, teachers, and other family members?
Single parents tell me it’s a God-send. Anything that reduces stress and creates a meaningful bond between parent and child is helpful at the foundational level, especially where the child is different from the parent.
Understanding our grandchildren, or the children of our family and friends, impacts the success of all these relationships. A grandparent said to me a few days ago after I gave a talk to young mothers on temperament (she happened to attend), “I need that book! I need it for me to understand my children, let alone my grandchildren, and after listening to you I feel I understand my brother better, too.” Understanding how we are made on the inside builds a respect and empathy for all relationships.
Thank you, Mr. Lincoln, for sharing your book, I’M A KEEPER, with us today. Don’t forget, Tuesday, October 5, is the big day to order and receive lots of free e-gifts. To purchase your copy on Tuesday, click on this link:
